on the biggest lesson in mommyhood

I don’t consider myself an expert, I know not how others should be raising their children, and I don’t have any true and tested formula… I’m just me, and I’m making it up as it goes.
  
but if I have learned one thing in this business of being someone’s mother is that the way your children react to you is directly proportioned to the way you react to them. 
  
if you are having a crappy morning cause you did not sleep well, the scale said the wrong number or you have a zit in the middle of your forehead, then 9 out of 10 times you’ll react with less patience to your children and they’ll be acting out more on you.   
   
and it takes a lot of self-conciousness to make sure that whatever it is that is bothering you, whether is stress, money, the neighbor or an extra pound, does not punish your children.   
    
If you are calm and collected in front of your children, if you are willing to see the bright side and be patient, 9 out of 10 times they’ll react the same way and you’ll have peaceful mornings filled with happy interactions.
    
and when you get to the 1 time when they’ll be whiny, clingy and difficult no matter what, if you are at peace you’ll have a better grip on the situation and be able to difuse it easierly. 
  
and this is what I consider the biggest lesson in mommyhood.  Mothering is something you do, not something that depends on your children.    And it takes a lot of work to make sure that you are doing the mothering indeed.       
       
Life is never perfect, but being aware of what you are dealing with, makes it easier to have days that seem to be so.
   
these past week I’ve been asked three times by different people if I have “it all together”. 
I don’t.
I loose my temper just like everyone else, and it gets to me more often than not to be in this single parenting mode in which I don’t have a moment alone.   And I have plenty of not good mornings, terrible afternoons and even worse evenings.  
     
But I do choose to make an effort, that sometimes drains every ounce of my body, to not take my bad moments on my children.  I’ve become very aware that if I surrender my day to the bad “spirits” so will my children and noone will have fun.     If you control your demons, and focus on what you want your children to live, on what you want to experience, on what you want all of you to remember, days go by smoothly and everyone is happier.
    
this applies so far in my life, my children being so young… who knows if it’ll hold true later on, but like I said I’m making it up as I go.
     
Sometimes we think too much… sometimes all we need to have a happy day is to focus on the here and now.
        
that is what I do when I take pictrures.   I focus on the here and now and that always gives me the perspective to remember that this too shall pass and I better make the best out of it, for my children’s sake and my own.
  
this afternoon we had a wonderful time, they played with playdough while I made dinner for them.   To my surprise they were so concentrated with it that I was done before they were.    
We had spinach/ham pizza with lots of onions per request of my daughter.  And while I was making it, I kept thinking of the concious choice to smile and be at peace in spite of whatever my feelings, and how they were responding accordingly in perfect scientific sample.   There was no arguing, they were sharing and taking turns, and they were helping each other.   
  
Do I have a magic touch?  Are they picture perfect all day long?   No.
  
But we choose to focus on the good things and get past the bad ones.  We choose to try our best to be happy with what we have.    We choose to enjoy each other instead of trying to get rid of each other.  
Eventually, I’ll be able to take a couple of hours to just be on my own. 
For the time being, we’re together 24/7 and making the best out of it.
     
Someday, I’ll remember the good things and whatever bothered me this morning will not occupy a single one of my thougts… that is the goal we keep an eye on.
   

  

          

  

     

on being jealous

        
my husband is finally on solid ground. 
yes that husband that has been lost at sea for so long is in CONUS (Continental United States).
and he’s been able to visit his family.  a few days already.
 
even though I”m happy that he’s visiting his family as I strongly believe they all need this visit, can I just say outloud that I’m horribly jealous that someone else is spending time with him when we have not seen his face in so long?  
   
even Morgan said to me that she’s angry cause “he should not be visiting someone else, he should be visiting us”  (exact words of my crying child, which needless to say broke my heart and fanned the flames of this green monster).  
 
it’s not fair, but of course life never is.  they are enjoying dinners and laughs and watching the Olympics together, and we just get phone calls…
  
the “self” in me thinks it’s great and healthy that they are sharing this time. the “wife” and “mother” are just plain filled with envy and jealousy.
 
I have to admit that I’m surprised at this duplicity.

on trying not to get excited

 
we’ve received word that we might see him come to us for good earlier than we had expected.
it would finally end this single parenting cycle for good… well, for the next year or so, at least.
I’m so trying not to get too excited as plans and dates change overnight,
but I can’t help but be hopeful.  we miss him oh so much.

on summer fun we had missed

the summer activity that we most missed while living in Japan was attending the summer concerts.  I’m sure most cities have some sort of version of it.  The wonderful thing of living within close distance to a cluster of citires (like in Orange County or here in Kitsap County) is that each city offers one of these concerts and you just have to pick which park and kind of music you prefer…. and then you get out of your house, pack  meal with you and enjoy the entertainment and fresh air for free.  
    
this was one of the things I was so looking forward upon realizing that we were going to move in July:  we’d be here for all the summer concerts!!
    
this past Friday, to celebrate our first month in Washington, we went with Kelly (and Colton and Levi) and Rachel to the concert at the Waterfront Park by the Bremerton Boardwalk.
    
it was the perfect afternoon.
really.
it was a hot afternoon, but there was fresh breeze coming from the water, the sun was up but not scorching your skin and the sky was bright blue with lots of cotton white clouds.
     
we got a collective dinner of fried chicken and fruit salad (I stuck with the fruit salad and my coffee) and drinks for everyone and headed our way.  We got there a few minutes before it started and found a perfect spot for us, table and all.
   
and then it was just matter of enjoying the company, the music and the kids splashing in the fountain.
    
Morgan kept dancing along to the music, she was beyond happy to be there and just kept showing off her dance moves to everyone.   She paired up with Colton and chased each other around.
       
Mackenzie and Levi paired up right away (they are 6 months apart, Levi being older) and it’s like we were witnessing a love affair being born, they just were inseparable the whole time we were there and have been each time we’ve seen each other since.    Male bonding is the cutest thing in the world when both males are still in diapers.
    
as a bonus to the great show, we got to see the Seattle ferry coming into port and the kids got to watch the car parade coming off it.  
     
It was a great afternoon… and just like I’ve said before, life is out there waiting for you to live it, and it’s for free.

    




  


      

   



    

on a welcomed “earworm”

     
when I said I no longer listen to love songs, I did not say that they are bad or anything, just that I don’t gravitate towards them anymore…
   
Claudia mentioned Billy Joel’s ”the longest time” and since I read her comment, I can’t take that song out of my brain, I know she did not mean to, but Claude sent me an earworm though the internet. 
  
the funny thing is that I don’t think of that specific song as a love song, the music and voices just make me feel happy.
  
it’s a very welcomed earworm, I had not thought of that song in a while, and it’s a great song indeed.
    
Besides, who does not love Billy Joel?

on building community

  
one of our basic needs is to have a home… a place to be sheltered from the environment, to place our possessions, to enjoy some privacy and to rest at night knowing we’re safe from the world. 

a home is that place to which you come back to recharge your energy and prepare to face the world.
yet a home is not where you live…
you live in the world.
  
sometimes we focus so much on the safety and comfort provided by our homes that we avoid going out, we avoid being too cold or too hot; we fear being tired and not close to our favorite chair, being hungry and not close to our kitchen;  we try to shelter ourselves from people, from those that share their unhappiness and from all those that do bad unto others.  
 
and sometimes we’re so caught up being comfortable and safe that we fail to realize that so many times our homes are stopping us from living.     Life does not resume to four walls and we must step out of that safety, be vulnerable and explore in order to build a community that will teach us and help us grow.
   
From the second that we decided for sure on the date we’d move out Japan, I had very clear in my mind that I needed to start taking steps to build a community to support us in this new place we were moving into… specially leaving the wonderful community we found in Negishi that truly became our family of addition.
 
and this is where our moms club comes to play.
they have embraced us even before they met us, already including us in ther activites a couple of days after our landing in Seattle.  and ever since they have shown us support beyond anything I could have imagined.  They have not only “played” with us, they have fed us, help us move into our apartment and have made sure we’re safe and “sane”.  
  
and they are showing us the beautiful world they live in.
  
this past Monday we went as a group to paint the benches at the Haddon City Park.  We were 6 moms and 8 kids, and it was great fun to gather and do something for all those that visit that park.   We painted a total of 7 benches/tables.   

we’re very thankful for the friendship they are offering us, and that through them we’re building a community for ourselves in this new world we live in.

  

on how it’s not a punishment

   
upon learning that we currently don’t own a t.v. and that we’ve been in our apt a week already, some people give me one of those looks that seem to scream “oh what a punishment you must be going through” and then they ask what the kids do since they know we don’t have too many toys either.

          
it really is not a punishment.  we do like the t.v., I miss watching the news shows and I’m sure the kids would not mind watching Bob the Builder or Hi5.   But from that to us being punished for not having a t.v.? not even close. 
  
so much so that I’m in no hurry to go get a t.v.
    

    
and no, they are not on my face all day long, they may be on my face while I’m trying to use the bathroom (I have no clue why they insist on doing so) but once I’m going about the apt, they don’t follow me around, quite on the contrary, they are pretty good at entertaining themselves.   and every time I go and check on what they are doing and find them playing with one of the few toys we brought with us from Japan, I’m more and more convinced that all this time I’ve insisted on not letting them watch too much t.v. has been one of the best things I’ve done thus far.
   
I’m a strong believer in independence, why would I make my children be dependent on the t.v.?
   

      
Sunday morning, I was thinking and thinking about this as I was making breakfast and they came and sat at the table, with little dolls in hand, and each was playing on opposite sides…  I kept expecting them to start arguing or something, but no, they just played quietly as I finished preparing the food. 
  
we had no noise around us, the only sound heard was that of the coffee brewing as we did not even have the radio on.   it was completely peaceful and I enjoyed the whole thing so very much… peace and silence.  alone and together. 

  
and yes, while making breakfast I took the camera out as I wanted to have proof that is possible to have a peaceful morning without using any electricity (well, the coffee maker and the stove are electric, but you get my point).      for sure it’ll be and adjustment for their father once he joins us as he likes the t.v. on and he’ll come home to a non t.v. routine.
    


   
and by the way, they are oh so my children, they had for breakfast upon Morgan’s request, what is our collective favorite morning meal: a slice of 12 grain bread, with cream cheese and an egg.  I’m telling you it was one of those perfect mornings.

on why I don’t listen to love songs anymore

    
I love music, and I specially love music I can sing along to. (and yes, I’m aware that I don’t have a singing voice).    and among my all time favorite sing alongs are love songs… they are always grand, speaking of wonderful loves either lost or found.  
     
Lately though, I”ve noticed that I rarely stop at love songs while browsing my ipod.
I find myself skipping through them.
    
and you might wonder why is that.  
am I not madly in love right now?  do I not shiver at the thought of my loved one?  
I am indeed madly in love with him, so much so that just thinking of him gives me goosebumps and makes my stomach flip.      I love him now so much more than when I married him, to the point that in comparisson it could almost be possible to say that I did not love him then, as I love him in such a way now that the beginning of the connection between us seems so small. 
   
so why is it that I find myself not wanting to listen to love songs anymore?
    
so many of the voices in those love songs do not fit my position in life anymore, they speak of new loves or broken loves, they speak from their “I’m-coming-into-a-new-love/I’ve-been-broken-by-love” kind of perspectives.      and they only last three minutes including chorus and theme and thundering guitar charged climaxes.
      
and love songs never account for the dirty dishes, the unwashed laundry and the unmade beds, never mention the checkbooks to balance and work schedules to juggle… they never speak of the thousand tiny acts of consideration and goodwill that actually maintaining a relationship call for.  
          
love songs are songs about romantic love, not about the down-to-earth-I’m-here-to-fight-for-you kind of love that is the one that truly matters. 
     
it’s been 68 days since I last saw him.   and before that we saw him for a couple of days/weeks at a time, his work schedule demanding him away from us most of this year already.   and it’ll still be weeks till we see him come to us. 
   
and in all this time, specially the past two months that have required so much from me, with this move out of Japan and into Bremerton, I’ve thought about what love means so many times.
    
love has nothing to do with flowers and chocolates, love is not always smelling good or looking your best.  and love sometimes means breaching time and space to keep it growing.   
   
real love, the one that we all look for and the one we should sing about is that which fights for you, with you and along with you, is that love which is void of cherubs darting arrows and does not need grand gestures to know it’s there and it’s real.
    
none of those love songs I like speak of love like the one I live.  I’ve stopped seeing myself in those songs and don’t fit the profile that would sing them.
    
my love song would have to speak of being away from him and spending weeks on end before hearing his voice, of going to sleep alone and wearing my wedding band with pride, of the commitment that comes from knowing he’s the only man that will ever lay in my bed while keeping myself independent and strong for my own sake.      my love song would have to speak of how I’m certain that he puts nothing above us, and although he’s away from us fulfilling his responsibilities and providing for us, we are the fuel that propels him to do more and be more.   
   
before him, there is no before.   no “friends” or lovers that are worth mentioning.    and through my worst nights and days, just knowing he is fighting for me, with me and along with me, makes my soul be at peace.     we’re committed to a future together, even when we have to be apart this much.   
  
that’s why love songs don’t speak to me anymore… cause the love I live is not found in them.

on how we keep on building

    
  

  

  

  

on how our home starts taking shape

yesterday afternoon we got the first of the few expected visits from the UPS guy… he delivered our computer desk and we had so much fun putting it together, really.

the kids were all excited to help out and immediately brought their tools out (that, I have to show you in a separate picture, I got them toy tools for about $5 at a consignment store and both of them are in heaven, and yes I’m very proud of how cheap they were).   and they were very good helpers, giving me screws or handing me out pieces, and actually Morgan was great help holding a couple of the heavier pieces as I was trying to assemble the whole thing.

I believe we did a good job.   for sure it looks great, and we’re very happy with it.

and as a bonus, once it was put together, they played there for a good long time.

it makes me be tempted to not buy them any toys as they entertain themselves so well without… but then again I don’t officially want to be an ‘all-evil’ mother.

on the words I sing to my self

Mikel has been with me for so long now, he has never left me really… and his voice fills me up each and every time.   This song has always touched me to the core, and so many times it has become my own.  they are not my words, but they reflect what goes through my soul.     it’s been so long now since the “self” in me has been heard, it’s smothered in the mamma, the single-wife, the responsible adult that puts up a good face for everyone around.   I’m not sure the self in me knows who she is anymore, and I don’t know what to tell her to make her feel better. I’m just so tired, so very tired.  Mikel brings the words to me, in the hopes of bringing some sort of comfort…   
   


        
those black eyes, those black eyes,
I don’t want to see them cry
I just want to hear, tell me
what I want to hear, tell me
that you’ll laugh again, tell me
now while the city sleeps.

it’s been a while now, it’s been a while now
that your voice seems to be
a pen and paper, that talk about
flying in dreams
that your black eyes
are the ones that will light up the way.

rain is pouring down over the gray ground
time is going by and I can’t smile
this night is long, my voice bitter
today I’ve seen the sun come out
and your eyes light up
wait, relax and you’ll see
the good times come back
wait, relax, they’ll come back
the rain will bring them back.

those black eyes, those black eyes,
I don’t want to see them cry
I just want to hear, tell me
what I want to hear, tell me
that you’ll laugh again, tell me
now while the city sleeps.

on simple details

   
it is only 5am. I am conscious but not awake. it’s chilly and I can see the steam coming off my coffee cup. the wind whistles through the blinds. and my mind wanders from thought to thought.  of course, it’s always about my children.      and the most simple things. a moment, perfect in every detail, too small, too trivial, too fortuitous to be depicted.     sometimes too painful or too miraculous to be shared.       but you know how this is. like the fog soon melting away after the sun rises.     I know they were. but I forget.      the simple things.     so I turn on the light. and I write.
 
 
Morgan sleeping with a toys catalog tucked under her pillow.
   
the bathroom door shutting on Mackenzie’s fingers.

Isabella licking Mackenzie’s head and sleeping nestled behind Morgan’s legs.

the day they both let go of their balloons I had reluctantly bough as a present through all the chaos, and how I wished I were Super Mom.

Morgan instinctively sharing her cookies with her brother.

Mackenzie dumping cereal between his toes and laughing at the top of his little lungs.
   
  

I sigh with relief. now I will always remember. the simple things.

on needs vs wants

we have a safe place to move about and call our own, healthy food in our fridge, a neat and tidy bathroom to make ourselves clean.
we have a table to share our meals.
we have a warm spot to rest our heads through the night.  
    
we have each other and our cats.
    
it may not be everything we want, but it’s all we need right now. 
     
and we’re happy.
       
  

 
 


  

 

Editor’s note: it may be tempting to “feel sorry for us” upon seeing our sleeping arrangement, but let me tell you that while it may not be a conventional one, we are very comfortable and we’ve slept like angels this past week.   We most likely we’ll be keeping this arrangement for the time being, not for lack of financial means but because we’re happy as we are right now.    

sometimes the simplest of things are the best in life.

on ordinary things

  
I now have access to a gym that won’t frown upon my kids.

my husband calls in the middle of the night just to hear my voice.

“not enough” no longer ambushes my confidence. but gray hair does.

and my happy children have a room of their own.

I’m dwelling in the convenience of a fantastically uneventful life. 

my hands swimming frantically between they need, I want and we have to without much enthusiasm yet with a great sense of accomplishment.

cooking.
grocery shopping.
going to the park.
vacuum cleaning.
taking care of my children alone. 

the little things, the ordinarily things, the most important things. 

we’re relishing in the right now and leaving the future for tomorrow.

on little toy cars

Mackenzie is newly obsessed with automobiles.    little toy cars, to be precise - shiny green trucks, yellow tractors, blue convertibles.      He carries them in his pockets, bulging at the sides of his tiny jeans, sometimes in his shirt pocket.    He carries them around, three at a time, pausing every so often to drive them up a ramp,  a cereal aisle, a random shelf.      I love to watch his imagination on display.   His little boy-ness is becoming more prevalent every day, and the simplicity of the joy he finds in his cars is delightful to watch.
     
He grunts at me something so as to say “look at my cars!” and I just smile and say “yes, they are fast and shiny cars”.
    
He carefully lines them up, one by one, outside the bathtub so they are waiting for him, ripe with awaiting motion, as I towel him dry. He brings them into bed with him as we read books before bed, and insists on curling up with them before he blows me a kiss and sweetly tells me: “Ni-night mamma”.
   
Around 8:00, after his breathing has slowed into sleepy rhythm, I creep up to where he sleeps and uncurl his fingers, removing the hard-edged toys so he doesn’t roll over them in his sleep. One by one, I line them up on the floor by his side, so he can see them waiting, little beacons of imagination. The flowering of his imagination seems to have propelled him suddenly from baby to boy.
    
Yesterday, he was my infant and today he is a little boy who loves cars.
  
It’s cliche because it’s true: it all happens so incredibly fast.

on our new long-term vacation

   
I’m an experience oriented person.  
   
When I go somewhere new, I eat the local food, attend local functions, listen to local music (within reason), and immerse myself in those activities the locals do.  Do my best to blend in with the culture and tradition of the place I am at and watch as it gets into my system and becomes part of who I am.
   
This works really well living this gypsy life.
   
Since 1994, I’ve managed to move a total of 10 times.  and each time I’ve moved, I don’t just move down the street.  No, I enter whole new worlds.
    
It’s also a way to look at this life. For me this takes the “being homesick” part away from the equation.  Rather than taking a vacation at a certain time every year,  I look at the city where I’m living as my long-term “vacation”. 
   
Each weekend offers endless opportunities to explore the area I’m living at and each of those opportunities enriches my life and my senses.    I’m not a “lets stay at home” kind of person (maybe that is why it bothers me so much the title of SAHM) I’m a lets go out and explore, smell, taste… lets go out and live.  
  
right now I’m working on the list of places we’ll be experiencing in the coming weeks and months.   we’ll be going to farmer’s markets, to famous landmarks, to a winery, to watch whales, to visit aquariums, to see animals at the zoo… so many wonderful things for us to see and live.
  
life is out there waiting for us…

on our mission accomplished

  

I’m pleased to say that after twenty-six days of bouncing around, sleeping in hotels and calling ourselves homeless, we have received the keys to our new home.
   
as of today we have an official address… we are residents of Bremerton, Washington.
    
we have two bedrooms, a bathroom, a patio, a laundry room, a livingroom/dinningroom and a complete kitchen to call our own.      the sense of accomplishment upon receiving the keys to our house cannot be described with words.  
    
this past month and the months before that have tested everything we’ve got.

packing-out, flying across the ocean, finding our way from Seattle to here, lodging at a hotel room, finding a house for ourselves, a car to move around, figuring out what we’ll do for furniture and dishes… all while trying to keep our lives “normal”, my children happy and thriving and my sanity intact;    yes, it has been a true test.
    
and I believe we passed it.
   
if nothing else, today we completed this specific test.
  
we have a house.
  
if you ask me today how we’ve done all this, I can honestly say that we have to thank heavens, my OCD, our moms group, our local church and the wonderful people we’ve encountered in Bremerton… all those combined have made these first weeks go smoothly and possible for us to move into our own place already.   

and yes, the gratitude is distributed in that order.

again I’ve been proven right, it’s good to worry and plan and prepare.  we pray, yet we keep on hammering. my OCD may not be so pleasant to others, but it sure helps things move along.
  
mission accomplished. 
   
now if we could only have him come home and be with us sooner, life would be perfect;   but of course, it never is so.

on our first trip to the barber in Bremerton

    
yesterday we took the walk to the barber shop.
I just can’t go more than 3 weeks or so for his hair, it just grows in a weird
pattern and he looks so much more handsome with his fresh crew cut.
Of course I’m biased, but the second the hair is gone I just can’t stop
looking at him thinking what a gorgeous face my boy has.
   

        
they loved the walk, it was sunny and warm and just a beautiful afternoon.
   
by now they are both pros at waiting for their turn at the barber shop.
    

    

  
and he was a perfect little guy while they were doing his hair.
I was thinking he was not going to be helpful as he was so used to his barber in Japan,
but he proved me wrong and sat there perfectly still.  no fussing, no complains, no cries.
      

      
Morgan kept saying how she loves her brother’s hair short.
she was charming everyone at the barber shop…
   

     
and on our way home we found a penny!
  

   
and you know what they say when you find a penny.
it brought our morale up as it was the perfect reminder that we’re never alone…

on the beauty within our reach

so many times we’re so caught up in our everyday that we simply forget to pay attention, to ourselves, to our kids, to all the beautiful things around us. 
Japan was the perfect preparation for life in Washington, as it forced me to slow down and learn to enjoy the beauty around me, the cherry blossoms taught me to breathe in a different way and now my lungs are practicing what they have learned…

we found this gorgeous park about 10 min away from where we’ll be living.  Just a short ride and we’re surrounded by such impressive beauty. 

as we stood by the pier, my heart skipped a beat at the sight before us…
  

   

    

     

       

it smelled great!
it smelled like life, like the sky and the clouds; it was the smell of beauty within our reach…
I swear we could almost touch those clouds.

and the best part is that a great playground is placed at the foot of all this beauty, so they got a chance to run and play at their heart’s content.

    

   


   

on our first ferry ride

      
a few days ago, we had our official first trip to Seattle.
the reason for our trip was for “official business” (i.e. we had to return our rental car to the airport) but it was a very exciting day for us.

We had our first ferry ride!

  
I had only been “floating” on the water twice before, once in Seal Beach when your father was showing off and the second time in Yokosuka, the day I spent at his ”office”.

but I’m a desert girl, so I’m thinking that until I log a hundred ”water rides”, the newness of it all will still be there, and so will be the awe at being surrounded by only water.

        
you guys were such good children this day.  
I had to carry the car seats with us back home, so you two walked through the ferry station holding hands just a few steps away from me, and behaved like model children, we even got a few compliments… and yes we accepted them. specially considering that we got on the road to Seattle at 7am.   

Like Mary P. says “we’re not raising children, we’re raising adults”, and this day I was proud of the adults my children will be.
    
and of course, to keep it real, you both had a meltdown once we got back to the hotel around 3pm.
    

    
I believe there’s a good chance that taking the ferry will be our preferred way to get to Seattle, it was fun! and you guys could move about instead of being buckled up to a seat, which made the experience so much more enjoyable for us all.

     
we had our breakfast on board (bagels with cream cheese, grapes and milk) and the rest of the time we spent enjoying the sights, chatting with our fellow passengers and just entertaining ourselves… it was one of the best 45 min trips I’ve taken.
       



  

        
and again I confirm my belief that life is an adventure just waiting to happen.

on walking and coffee

 
This afternoon we were bored, so we decided to walk the mile up the road towards Starbucks to get out of the hotel room and breathe some fresh air, and of course that would help us burn some energy… besides we can always use some coffee.
how do I know it’s a mile?  I clocked it with the car, it’s exactly 1.1 miles following the road we used.
    

    
it’s not the first couple of miles that we walk, but today my little boy walked the whole mile to Starbucks and the whole mile back to our hotel.
   

          
I’m so proud of him!
  

      
for Morgan this walk is just regular distance now, which also makes me very proud, she thinks nothing of walking and is always up for it.
     
as a bonus, our coffee did not come out of our budget, but it came from deep down in my purse. I had been carrying this starbucks card for years, since it was not valid in Japan, I just kept it as I could not remember if it had a balance or not.   basically the last time I had used that card was back before we moved to Yokosuka.   I remembered to bring it along with us today, and turns out it did have a balance, $11 to be exact.   so our happy coffee excursion was paid by the ”ghost of past coffee”.
     

       
No, they did not get coffee, they got milk; but since they got their milk in little coffee cups with a lid, Morgan has officially named it “coffee-milk”.

on how if you look, you find

    
I’m a strong believer in living within your means and saving money;  you can call me frugal or cheap, whichever you prefer.   and I also strongly believe that not spending money does not mean you have to be bored and/or locked up at home.
    
I believe that if you look, you find… it’s just a matter of actually looking.
    
The local Lowe’s store has a great program in which every second Saturday they provide the place, the tools, the material and even the snacks and all you have to do is show up and make a wood craft with your kids.
  

     
This store is about a mile away from where we’ll be living, so today, we walked that mile to the store and joined the class.    So we did not spend gas to get there.
    
Morgan was so excited about it all, she immediately got hands on the project and did all the hammering by herself, we read the instructions and held things for her to hammer.  
She was completely focused on the task.   
   

    
 
    

                  
Mackenzie was not having the best of mornings, he’s the one that has really been affected by jetlag and was not a completely happy self.   He loved the idea of hammering, but once he saw the snacks he was more interested in eating than anything else.        The popcorn you see we brought along with us, they gave us the rice krispies which we had not tasted until today.   Both Morgan and myself thought they were disgustingly sweet but Mackenzie was having a field day with them.    He ate his and wanted to continue with Morgan’s, but thank heavens we were done before he could start with that one.
  
 
                        
by the way, the shadow you see on Mackenzie’s forehead and nose is not bad lighting, about an hour before going to the class he walked straight into a wall and gave himself a big bruise, I’m actually surprised that it does not show more in the pictures. 
    

    
Later on during the class, Mackenzie did want to put the pieces together, but since he was not letting go of the rice krispies snack it was a hard thing to do… mostly he spent the time in my arms while we observed Morgan at work.
  

     
It made me so proud to see Morgan in action, working so diligently on her project, following the directions and hammering on her own.   
I could see her years from now and the image I got made me smile.

  
       
The apron she’s wearing is ours to keep and we got a patch for the craft we did today.  Each project we make, we’ll get a patch to put on her apron.   She’s already looking forward to filling it up like the apron she saw on a little boy.  
     
I’m sure their father will enjoy doing this with them once he finally makes it here.
        
  
             
tools, materials, snacks: $ 0.00
           

    
having an hour and half of fun and learning for free: priceless.
   

on blowing candles and making a wish

 

       
The sound of stamping little feet on the carpeted floor. the morning light brightening my sleepy face. Holding hands, one slightly behind the other, my girl and my boy silently climb on my knees trying to surprise me.
   
I surprise them back and amidst the giggles, they wrap their arms tightly around parts of my body, finally resting their heads on my shoulders.

“Mamma, it’s your birthday!”  happily announces my beautiful girl.
    
      
I am thirty-six today.   
     
       
I always thought that by this time I would have a lot of things figured out.
and I realize that I don’t.
     
yet being surrounded by my little ones, having received morning birthday wishes from the love of my life and my family,  suddenly gives new meaning to all the questions that are left unanswered.   and it gently reminds me that I have time to learn my lessons, to be confident in my tastes and views. and find out who I am.

    
Life keeps getting fantastically better as the years slip by, showering me with love and good people.   

     
Life is not perfect, it’s not pink, and most certainly it is not easy.  
But it does not need to be. 

    
Life is wonderful as it is.

   
Happy Birthday to me!

on those crazy gnomes

   
Morgan wakes up from her nap, and as her mother is always cold, she had been covered with her rag quilt during the time she was asleep.  Invariably she is sweaty and clammy (she’s a hot blooded person, but her mother can’t get past the fact it’s cold so she covers them up).    When I come and hug her hello, she starts touching her arms and neck and with the most disgusted look she tells me something all blurred.
I just could not understand a thing she said, and when I asked her to repeat it, she says so exhasperated:
“Mamma!  someone has been licking me!”

I could not help but burst into laughter;  that is the funniest thing I’ve heard in weeks (I”m still laughing each time I remember it).   and I have to say that I just love her critical thinking skills….

on what my new coffee mug will look like

this phrase has become one of my personal mantras;
and in honor of the brilliant Wanda that “wears” it proudly,
now it’ll be read in my new coffee mug
(the one I’m giving myself as a birthday present):